Where do I start?
gracie’s muse · no. 001 · where do i start?
A snapshot from my visit to Casa Fernando Pessoa in Lisbon, Portugal.
You know what I’ve written more times than I’d like to admit?
TO-DO LIST #1 - Finish the new website!
The keyword in that sentence is new.
For 10 years I’ve had a website that received enough compliments for me to believe I was ready to start publishing. But by the fate of being Kristin Gracie - it wasn’t good enough.
WordPress. Webflow. Squarespace. I created a “new” site in each, and inadvertently became a web designer just by way of being a perfectionist with too many ideas.
(insert eye-roll here)
Files and files of rewrites. Words and fragmented sentences written with pretty colored ink, trying to articulate who I am, what I do, and how I do it.
Years. I’m talking years of waiting to finish just to start. And why do I never finish? Because all I do is write, edit, rewrite, open a whole new world of thought, and then go take a nap.
I carry a damn gold mine in loose papers and bound notebooks and printed whiteboards full of exciting things to create and share.
Things I know people are looking for. Things I know have value.
Yet all that magic has been held hostage by one question circling me like a merry-go-round that never stops for new passengers.
WHERE DO I F-ING START?
(Sorry, parents, you taught me not to curse, but sometimes, a well-placed F bomb just carries the vibe.)
I’m one of the lucky ones to have experts in my corner who I deeply respect and trust.
“Move on, no one cares about websites anymore. Do Instagram and Substack.”
“You have 3 seconds to get their attention.”
“Done is better than perfect! Just post it already.”
“You need to learn AI - you’ll be much faster.”
Admittedly, for my entire life I’ve had a hard time falling in line with what I’m told is the way to do things, and my non-compliance has left the experts eye-rolling and breathing deep.
And fair enough - it can feel like wrangling a wild horse when it comes to getting me to follow certain rules.
But the thing is, I don’t resist just to resist.
I’m hardwired to ask: why not? And how can I…(fill in the dots with whatever you can imagine).
SO WHAT DO I WANT?
I could write a novella to this question, but to start, I want a space online that feels like me…to meet you, my people scattered around the world, wherever you are…from wherever I am.
Where crossed paths that once diverged can meet again.
A space where I can share my universe with you and it opens a conversation that rearranges something…our mind, our heart, or maybe even our world.
And I’d really like to feel the poetry of my words isn’t competing for 3-second attention spans in a room full of noisy copy-paste clicks.
I believe in valuing artistry for pleasure rather than letting utility devour it.
In thoughts derived from experimenting.
In ideas sourced from imagination.
In human-made from the soul.
And maybe what I believe will leave me behind, or maybe it will put me ahead, I don’t know yet.
But one thing I do know is I’m always willing to find out.
SO THEN WHERE DO I START?
Despite having thousands of pages with a breadcrumb trail of drafts, I sit here yearning for a blank page.
A blank page full of untainted potential, free of the need to be edited.
A blank page asking to capture what is here - in front of me - in the present moment.
A blank page inviting me to write from who she is now and where she’s going next.
So - welcome to my blank page.
It’s not meant to become a final draft but an introduction.
Like my website.
Is it perfect? No.
Does it follow the experts’ rules? No.
Is it finished? Not yet.
But it’s mine, made by me and my imagination full of never-ending ideas and YouTube tutorials. Created to connect with you as I capture and share life the way I see it…and romanticize it.
So, can we agree to make the starting line more of a penciled scribble with scattered eraser shavings and call it art?
If you agree to that, then I’m ready to start.
Here and now.
As I am.
And you’re invited to write this story with me. More on that later.
For now, I need to go finish my website.
(insert a cheeky giggle here)
